There’s something stirring in me, something growing, like a seed, slowly unfurling and pushing its way up through the dark soil toward the light. It’s uncomfortable, a little scary, but exciting too. I feel my soul stretching, pushing and pulling, moving beyond its place of comfort. And not only is there movement in my soul, questions swirl inside my head like food coloring in water. Am I on the right path? Where do I go from here? Do I change careers? Do I move? How do I balance the realities of life and explore my growing desire to do something else? What is that something else? What exactly is it that was planted in me?
And that’s the problem, right? I don’t know what kind of seed God planted in me. I just feel it expanding, moving, and pushing its way thru to the light. Does a seed wonder what it will eventually become? What it will find when it finally makes its way through the soil? If I only knew what kind of seed was growing, I could better prepare myself for what was coming and where it would take me. Or could I? Do I really need to know what this stirring is about?
Maybe it’s a new career. Maybe it’s a new way of being. Or maybe my job isn’t to worry about what’s growing, but just to tend the soil, to maintain an environment where growth is possible.
And then, when the seed finally grows to its glory, to share the flowers or the fruit or the shade, or whatever it is that God has provided.
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Nicole Mills is an oncology nurse, cancer survivor, nerd, and contemplative. She has a secret desire to be a nun or a double-dutch jump rope champion. Not being Catholic or able to jump 2 ropes poses significant hurdles, but she remains hopeful.